There are moments in our lives that really take our breath away. Often times we do not know when these moments will occur how long they will last, or how many we will have in our lifetime. I would like to think that we get a few in our lives, one would be too little and any more than a handful would desensitize us to such an amazing feeling. Recently, I had my first real moment like this, and I will never forget it.
Its funny the way things work out sometimes. Sometimes the most frustrating of nights can suddenly turn into incredible experiences. A place where you sat and thought in frustration for hours can turn into a sanctuary of tranquility where everything becomes clear and you finally have peace of mind. For me that was my car. I sat in my car 10:00, 10:30, 11:00, 11:30 as I watched the minutes pass as slowly as hours from my drivers seat. Although this was not her fault, I was still frustrated because I would not be able to see her for a few days and I really wanted to get the most out of the time I was going to spend with her. I took deep breaths and let the frustration gently pass through my body rather than let it build up in anger, because I knew it was not her fault and there was nothing she could do about it. Knowing it was the fault of a 3rd party, I patiently continued to wait.
Finally, at around 12:30, I was able to see her. She found where I was and pulled up along side of me. She knew I was sad that that our time had been cut so short, but the sadness was overcome with overwhelming joy when I was finally able to see her.
We moved to somewhere more private and began to talk. Because it was so late, and there was nowhere else to go, the back of my car became the venue for our conversation. Now I know what your thinking, and yes the backseat of a car is not the most beautiful of places. But you see, that's what a I mean. These moments they just sneak up on you and it doesn't matter where you are. You could be in a damp dark smelly disgusting room or laying on the beach watching the sunset it doesn't matter when it happens it happens and there is nothing you can do.
So let me get back to my story. We were sitting there, talking, kissing, hugging, and I can honestly say that in the middle of everything I stopped, even if it was just for a second, and looked at her. However this was not a normal look, and I don't think I had ever looked at her this way before. She looked beautiful, as she always does, but there was something special, something different. It was as if for that moment, for that split second when we looked at each other, nothing else mattered. It was almost as if the windows of my car blocked out everything and anything bad in my life. Arguments with my family, college fears, any pain I have ever felt in my life was gone, and I just felt like there was something about this girl that separated her from anyone I had ever known in my life before. Everything was so clear and there was not a shred of doubt in my mind that this is where I should be at this very moment. A second later the feeling was interrupted by the sounds of kids in loud cars, but nevertheless, it was something that made me happier than I have ever felt before.
Now I know, your thinking I am out of my mind, corny, and maybe even a little femanine. If your in the category of those who feel this way, you have not experienced what I have yet. However, if you are in the category of those who know the feeling. I am telling you to really take it to heart and rememeber it for a long time because it is something very important and no matter what happens to you physically or emotionally for the rest of your life, that memory will always be with you.

Faith

I think in order to live any type of happy life at all we have to have some type of faith. When everything material and physical and tangable in your life seems like it is being dragged into a place where you can never get it back, it is that which you cannot see or touch that proves to be most powerful. A see a lot of people wear the crucifix and chain and go to church on Christmas and Easter. These people think that by going to church every once and a while they are doing their God's will. These people are what I like to call, just in case believers. This means the moral compass they use to guide them through life is so messed up they don't even know right from wrong anymore, and they do not really believe in God. But by the off chance he exist, they went to church, just in case.
You can not expect to be born into devout beliefs. For me, it was a few life experiences that showed me that there is some one or some thing out there watching me, watching all of us.
Recently I lost a friend. He was a kid that I knew for a good amount of time, and on top of everything else he was completely healthy. He liked to party and have a good time, but as long as I had known him he had never really strayed from just enough alcohol or maybe a little bit of marijuana to calm him down. A few days ago I woke up to find that he had died of a heart attack in his sleep caused by the combination of the drugs meth and coke, two things he had never touched before in his life. My world came crashing down around me as I fell into a deep state of shock and confusion.
It is situations like these where we stop and think.
Why would he do such a thing?
Why would addicts live such long lives on the drug as he dies after one use?
Where was God?
If I didn't believe that someone or something greater than you or me could ever imagine was behind this, and that this was all part of one plan to better our Earth and everything around it, I do not know what I would do with myself. It is this faith, this feeling of power that overwhelms us at times like these, that push us to move on, learn, and take with us the knowledge and wisdom we have learned from events like these.
We as people are scared of what we can't control and fear the unknown. We are scared that we will lose people close to us to disease and tragedy that we could never possibly predict. We have to put faith in the fact that things out of our control are fully within the control of another more powerful than us. We have to have confidence that in the end, everything in our lives is part of something bigger than we could ever fathom, and that we are all part of this idea, this plan, this everlasting future.
Fear is not always a bad thing to have. Most of the time, fear derives from love. We are afraid to lose something or someone that we care deeply about. To quote Martin Luther King Jr, A man who does not have anything in life he would die for has never truly lived. I am a strong believer of that. I truly pity those who believe that there is nothing bigger than the world we live in. I pray, and believe, that everything has happened for a reason.

I miss my friend.

Risks

Life is about risks. It always has been and most likely always will be. Some of the most recognizable and famous men in history are famous for the risks they took. Unfortunately, some men we will never hear about in our lives took those same risks.
I thinking the hardest thing about risking anything is knowing how much you can potentially lose. We try and weight the options, maybe make a list to see if the rewards out weight the downside, and do all sorts of things to try and put ourselves in the best possible logical position. However, sometimes logic does not mean anything. Sometimes everything we believe is logically correct we know is wrong in our hearts. Poker players will tell you that sometimes they know the odds are against against them but the cards just "feel right". Well, life is the same way. Sometimes the odds are against you but you know what you feel and there is nothing in the world that will stop you from feeling that particular way.
I think the hardest risks we take in our lives are the emotional ones. Putting yourself out there with someone you care about for the first time. Being the first one to try and make a move, or being the first one to say those three words we all do our best not to say at all costs. It can be scary, I know, and a lot of times we say these things knowing that the reward is greatly overshadowed by the chance we are taking, but we say it anyway. Why do we do this? Because we are human. Because for the vast majority of us the heart will always outweigh the mind in decisions like this. Yes we can get hurt a good amount of the time, and some of us get hurt a lot of the time. However, when it all comes down to it, when we finally get that response we have been looking for all this time, it will be more powerful than anything we have ever experienced.

Your Newest Question

Okay so I am going to change it up a little today. Recently I have received emails from a few people asking me about my girlfriend. I have brought her up from time to time and its understandable that people want to know about her and to help things I write in the future maybe I should talk about her a little. It's kind of a long story though so just give it a chance.
Me and her have known each other about 4 years. When we first met, I tried constantly to be with her but it seemed she was not interested. I spent the next two years trying from time to time to show her how I feel and prove she means a lot to me but time and time again I seemed to come up short.
Finally the summer of my senior year I began to spend a lot more time with her. I was seeing her a few times a week and it seemed like we were getting closer. Unfortunately, I was too nervous to try and kiss her or tell her how I felt. Days when we hang out came and went without me making any kind of move, and I began to feel like I was going to go to school without telling her or showing her how I feel.
Finally, with one day left, I decided I needed to know what was going to happen. We sat around her house the whole day and even though neither of us said anything, there was the subtle undertone that we both knew I would be gone for the next three months. I sat there with my arm around her, just looking at her, thinking to myself that I will never get another chance like this again.
I looked at the time and realized that I had to leave. I asked her to walk me to the car and right as I was about to let go from hugging her and get in, I decided I had to try. As corny as it may sound, I asked her to kiss her, and she said yes. For years I had built up all these high expectations about what it would be like actually kissing her and actually being with her. I also wondered if I actually cared about her or if I was getting the fact that I was always getting denied by her make me think I cared about her more than I actually did. All these thoughts raced through my head, and then it happened. I kissed her and I knew right then at that moment how special this girl was to me. That car ride home, knowing I wouldn't be able to see her for 3 months, was the saddest of my life.
When I came back from the school the first time we got closer still, and as the year went on I began to come home more and more to see her. Finally summer came, we were dating, and that brings me to where I am now.
She is gorgeous. Hahaha I know that is a little blunt, but its entirely true. Long dark hair, beautiful green eyes, and one of the best smiles I have ever seen. She is funny, smart, fun to be around, and one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Her personality is what really sets her apart from every other girl I have ever talked to. As high as my expectations were for her, she went above and beyond them in so many ways and really blew me away. As you can probably tell, I care about her very much.
As I get closer to go to school, and she gets ready to go to school about 6 hours away from mine, I realize how important every minutes I am with her is. Going to school, that last day before I leave, is going to be one of the hardest days of my life. I can't even put into words how much I am going to miss her, but I will make every effort to see her as much as I possibly can this semester. I can honestly say that so far I have made the most out of every opportunity I have had to be with her this summer, and that there were a few times we spent together that I can honestly consider some of the best times of my life.
This goes back to everything I always say about appreciation. Everything I talk about in reference to how time is short, and how we need to cherish every second we have. I know you all probably have some one special in your lives. For some of you its a wife or husband, for others a boyfriend or girlfriend, and for some, its a girl or guy you have not even said hello to yet, but you just know. My advice is this, tell them how you feel before its too late. Let them know what they mean to you and if it truly comes from your heart you will never make them uncomfortable. If they are special to you, please let them know. We all need to appreciate the important people we have in our lives, I know I do.

People...

Sometimes we as people tend to suprise ourselves. We have these ideas in our head, a plan on how we are going to handle certain aspects of our lives. Then something comes along and completely changes your outlook. For me this has recently happened with my career choice, but it can happen with a lot of other things as well. As people we have the ability to think past our instincts, and that alone allows everything to not be cast into stone. We are free to change our minds as we plea and often times follow our passion more than our logic. Ultimately you have to do what makes you happy, and what you think has the potential of making you the most happy in the long run. People who put everything into logical terms are often found standing around as life passes them by. If your not going to put atleast a little bit of your heart into everything you do, than nothing is really worth doing. Words with no meaning are words unspoken. I am not saying that you should just go on emotional spurts and completely do what you feel because that may turn out to hurt you just as much. What I am saying is that we have both our mind and our heart for a reason besides the obvious biological rules, so I suggest we all use both of them to thier fullest capacity.

It All Comes Down To This

I do not have the best relationship with my parents. I find it hard to remember the last time we just had a conversation without yelling and often times their harsh words pulsate through me like venom. The past few weeks in particular all I have wanted was a normal relationship with the people in my family.I know that this contradicts a lot of what I write and preach about. I am always talking about how we should appreciate what we have and cherish it, and by me sitting here asking for more from my parents, I am in direct violation of these rules I have established for the way I want to live my life. So I have decided that wants are okay, to an extent. It is desire and wants that keep the world turning, and without any desire we would have no motivation and ultimately are species would be cast down to its more instinctive form. However, I think wanting something like a solid relationship with my parents was asking for a little much and did not really fit in with what I tell readers. I was being greedy.Last night I was with my girlfriend sitting in my T.V room. We were just casually flipping through the channels laying with each other as we often do. Let me just say right now that my girlfriend has been the person I tell everything to, and one of the only people in my life that I can truly say I trust. She is always there for me when I need her to be and makes me happier than I ever have been before. Most of the time she brings out the best and me, and I am truly thankful to have her in my life.Having said that, I was feeling a little upset about the situation with my parents and she noticed instantly. After asking a few times, I finally broke down and put my head and her shoulder where I kept it for about an hour as I thought and spoke about everything wrong in my life. I spoke about my family in particular, and how all I wanted was normal parents that respected me and treated me well when I saw them.At the end of the night, although she did cheer me up a great deal when I really thought no one could, I was still feeling upset. I went to sleep upset and woke up this morning still feeling uneasy. It was at that moment that I realized where I needed to go with my life.My point is that everything happens for a reason. All these things that we think are the end of the world end up being good for us. Maybe it is not as noticeable as you leaving your shoes untied and tripping only to find a 100 dollar bill in front of you, but it happens. These bad experiences are meant to teach us and show us that life is not perfect, and that everyone has problems and things they do not like, but it is those who let those bad things overshadow the good that allow their minds to take them to dark places they would dare not step.We all come into this world the same way. It is these events, both good and bad, that shape and mold how we exists. Our lives are short and often very fragile. We have to learn that not everyone has everything, and that our greatest ability as people is to turn our biggest weaknesses into our most powerful strengths.

No More Drama

Yesterday I was at my parents house just talking to my father about work and such when my mom's close friend came in the house. The next hour became the most annoying hour of my life. It seemed that all she would do is talk to my mother about who likes who, what couples are fighting, who wants to get a divorce, and who is mad because they were not on some one's party invitation. I have never been more disgusted in my life.
When I graduated high school, I had this strange idea in my head that all the gossip would stop, the drama would dissipate, and we would all realize we are mature adults and move on in our lives.I could not have been any more wrong. Women in their 40s and 50s were still talking about the same stupid stuff they were talking about when they were 15. I really do not understand what the point of all this is.
I guess part of the problem is what we are exposed to. Constant showings of these dramatic lifestyles that end in a positive result may be just enough fuel we need to live our lives the same way. We have been diluted and brainwashed into thinking that if we act the same way as these characters we see on T.V we will get the same result. However, we should be able to look beyond this and understand that it is not real.
We really can not blame anyone but ourselves. There is a time and a place for dramatic action. I feel like our overuse of drama in our lives may be the reason we are so desensitized to certain situations. Let me give you an example...
If person X makes a gigantic deal about problems at work, problems with family, problems with friends, people start to get annoyed. People expect a huge deal out of every little problem, and as a result they stop really caring. Then suddenly, person X gets into a huge fight with their significant other and is really hurt by it. Person X goes to tell her friends who do not console person X for the problem because to be honest, they are sick of the drama.
The message here is simple. We need to realize we are in the real world and start acting like it. We need to see that there are so many more important things in our life that we are not seeing because there has been a shadow of drama and tension cast over us. We need to shine the light of reason and logic on these shadows, and hope that it shines bright enough to lead the way for the future of us as individuals.

Plans

The only thing you should plan in life is to plan to be suprised.

The Hands Free Headset

The blue tooth head piece for cell phones. Hands down one of the stupidest most frustrating inventions I have ever witnessed. I understand that some laws do not allow people to use their hands to hold their phones while driving but I am sure calls can wait. I mean nothing is more confusing then when I pull up to a red light and notice the man in the next car over making frightening gestures and screaming by himself in the car. I get really freaked out, and until I notice the little piece in his ear I wonder to myself how someone so obviously insane was ever allowed to operate a car. I mean, the whole reason you hold a cell phone up to your ear is that it is a signal to other people that you are, in fact, talking to someone else. We all look like idiots walking around screaming and talking to ourselves. Technology is a great thing and has helped us come so far as people, but this is one invention I really think has to go. On top of everything else, it hurts your ears, and is just kinda stupid.

Stop Taking Life So Seriously

Sorry I have not been able to post in a few days, family emergency.

Having said that, I know to a lot of you my last post seemed a little out of the ordinary. My point was not that we should all rage against the machine and try to go against the grain. My point was that we as a society are so restricted by these unwritten rules that nobody takes the time to truly just appreciate how nice it feels to smile at a stranger, start a conversation in the elevator, or just tell someone your working with that they are doing a really good job. It seems as though nobody really wants to put themselves out there anymore, and everyone is too busy trying to get theirs to worry about what anyone else wants. Although we are very social creatures and communication is a very serious part out our culture, recently as years have passed everyone has become so self centered and greedy that they do not take the time to appreciate the fellow man.
We all need to stop taking life so seriously. Every now and then just realize that it is a blessing alone that you are alive and able to do the things you do every day. Being able to smell, touch, and taste all these little things in our world is such a great gift that it seems everyone has forgotten about. Everyone wants the new Ferrari or Bentley and forget about how nice it is to just lay on the grass and do nothing. I am not saying to completely abandon your desire and ambition because those two things are what keeps us moving. What I am saying is that every once and while even if it is only for a few minutes, put everything else aside and just realize how amazing everything around you is. Think about how amazing it is that you can see stars hundreds of millions of miles away, or good it feels to just stand out in the rain. We do not know how long we are going to be able to truly notice the little things, so don't let these moments pass.